This morning I woke up from a most gorgeous dream. Though it was beautiful and relaxing, I was nervous about going back to sleep, afraid I might die. I would love to capture the mood and feeling of the dream but don’t think I have the words necessary to do this justice.
Together with Stephen, who was not dying but who was going to accompany me as far as he could in my process, we entered a part of town that consisted of various areas with buildings that were open to the outside, like the top decks of ships. I was given a small, very simple wheelchair that could be transformed into a flat position. Then I had the option of a cookie or drink that would help in relaxing me and preparing to die.
Even though the place was crowded, lots of dying people with their loved ones, it was all pretty calm. “Serene” would describe it pretty well. That was my feeling at first, but pretty quickly I became giddy with joy and anticipation. Then it was time to move into the next stage, as I was getting drowsy and getting closer to death. That stage had to be without Stephen. We said goodbye.
As I looked around, I noticed people had brought material goods with them. Were these to take along on the path to our deaths? Or things for the afterlife? That didn’t seem right. But some people were even carrying LPs. Perhaps this is a good idea, what if my death takes longer, what will occupy my time? Then I remembered that earlier, in another area, I had given my knitting needles away. Immediately, I returned there to ask the woman if I could have them back for a little while until it was time for my death, when I would return them. But she had already passed them on to someone else. As I was approaching this other person, Stephen showed up and gave me the most gorgeous knitting needles I’ve ever seen. They were carved out of wood, and at the ends were tiny little cups. (Cups and bowls are my weakness, I’m almost a collector.)
Though they weren’t matching sizes, I didn’t mind, because there I wouldn’t be knitting anything to be worn, it was just to while away the time until death. Heading back to the next phase area, I saw a friend who pointed to the sky, saying they were already here. Apparently the burning of the dead bodies had begun, and all the souls were transformed into little clouds in the sky, drifting away.
Earlier I had asked my brother, who was also there, where he would go after death, and he said: Mars. I asked him the direction of Mars, he pointed, and my thought was to go there too. It was as good a place as any. But when I looked at all the clouds drifting away, I couldn’t remember which direction to Mars. And then I thought it wouldn’t matter.
I turned around to see where all the little clouds were coming from, and there was a little Hansel and Gretel house with the chimney spewing out the clouds. A most beautiful gingerbread kind of house, floating in the air. I shouted and pointed to the clouds, attracting everyone’s attention. And people seemed happy with the sight.
Time to rejoin the line in the final open room, before heading to the house for my death. There I saw someone trying to figure out where to smoke his hashish. We connected with a look, and he said: you look so knowingly. I replied that I hadn’t smoked hash since I left Germany. He lit the pipe and offered me some. Then I saw another friend sitting on a bench, holding an LP. I said I didn’t know you were going to die. But he ignored me, I think he was too stoned to notice any of his surroundings.
It’s then that I realized that I was not drowsy anymore but rather very excited and had way too much energy for the people around me. I had to calm down and considered another cookie or drink, as I knew I had to get the drowsy feeling back if I wanted to die successfully.
Looking around, I saw some people sitting calmly on benches and others with their eyes closed in reclined wheelchairs, waiting to enter the house where they would die and then be burned.
That’s when I awoke. Wondering if I might be dying or if I could go back to sleep. As I was going over the dream in my head, Stephen stirred next to me, and I told him all about it.